Naturally, I go in and out of grief. Chris told me the night Lorene died "she is a huge teacher for you, Mariah....." The acupuncturist I saw after Christmas caught me on a day where I was....high? from the love I was opening to. She suggested I was still grieving....I couldn't understand what she was telling me. Me? No, I am fine! Later that night, I lose the connection, or maybe it is just how the connection is supposed to be...I fall into a deep funk for a week.
Being as how it is Christmas break, I hang in with the ups and downs. And, start to come out of it by the first few days of January. Still sad, but happy, so gosh damn happy for having been given the time to share with Lorene.
I go onto Facebook, and realize I hadn't heard from another healing friend, Ann-Marie...the "Musings of a Mad Brit" author. So, I look up her site, only to read that she had passed away December 30th!!
Ann-Marie and I were fast and close friends the last 6 months I was in Wisconsin. I met her at the GNM seminar she had at her home. The first day of the seminar, we talked a few minutes, and then each said "I feel as if I have known you all my life!" We talked often, she near Milwaukee, me in Green Bay, and manage to get together as often as we could...made easier by my monthly drives to Chicago. Her husband was just the neatest guy, he was just as easy to be with. The three of us together felt like a couple of hobbits dancing around (Ann-Marie was british, and they lived in this cobblestone and big thick beamed ceiling home by the Milwaukee River) everytime we got together. Smiles, laughter, joy in spite of the fact that both Ann-Marie and I were "dealing with cancer."
Sometime in July, I believe it was, Ann-Marie developed bilateral breast tumors, which continue to grow and be very painful for her. She had a history of skin cancer occurrences a few years prior, in the upper Right chest area, if I remember correctly. She had surgeries, and chemo, I think originally, and then had decided to go to Mexico to be treated by the Hoxey Method. This time around, she went back to Hoxey, decided it didn't feel right, and so joined me in seeing Dr. Guo. We talked and talked GNM, but I could sense she wasn't embracing it for some reason.
In August, she decided to work with a healer in the Madison area. Her guru encouraged her to go the western medicine route, as well. These people found "brain tumors." The healer talked her into getting her teeth amalgams removed. She did coffee enemas, chemo, radiation. After she died, I learned from a mutual acquaintance that "the cancer just exploded all over her skin, body." Final separation conflict, everything being let go of.
It's hard, I was surprised she was going the way she was, and yet, I told her numerous times in September and October when she would express concern that I would be unhappy with her for her decisions that she didn't need my approval/disapproval and I wouldn't entertain any of that. I asked her to believe in herself and do what felt right to her. We stopped talking, though, sometime in the end of October.
Ann-Marie was an amazing woman...so filled with love and laughter, ingenious in so many ways. She drew people in to her life, and innoculated us all with her infectious love. She taught Phoenix Rising yoga, laughter yoga...she even had these really cute cards made up with her in funny yoga postures and funny words relating to them (example: she's in what I think is the Eagle Pose...arms and legs all twisted up...and a goofy grin on her face....inside the card read "sorry I haven't connected with you lately, I have been all wrapped up with myself!") She sold these to raise money for her Mexico Hoxey Clinic trips (I found them this morning as I was cleaning up my apartment and putting stuff away...more than anything, this is what finally prompted me to get back to blogging. I also realized I missed writing/working out stuff with the blog...too wrapped up in school....that will be another post.....).
When she passed on, a community of people from all over the world celebrated her life. She touched so many in her 50-some years of life. I am blessed to have had her touch mine.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.....
The last time I entered a posting was December 6th.....I had had the most glorious phone call with my dear friend Lorene and then jumped onto the blog to write. We talked again a few days later. We burst into this unabashed gushing over each other, just laughing and rejoicing over the connection with each other, so grateful for having each other in our lives. The evening of the 16th, a little after 5pm, I checked my emails....I had 2 emails timed between 1:10 and 1:18pm from Lorene's and her husband's blackberrys, asking me to call immediately. I tried Phil's number first, no answer, then her home phone. I call Chris to see if he had talked with Lorene, which he did not. I sit down in the library foyer, across from a poster entitled "Pray for those who have died...World Aids Peace Day" or something like that....a shiver went through me...I knew it was confirmation of what I felt in my gut. I dailed Lorene's number and reached one of her young daughters who, in shock, told me her mother had just passed away.....in reading the obituary weeks later, it noted Lorene's time of death as 5:21pm. I checked my phone records a few days later, my call was at 5:24pm.
Our friendship was the bright star in my life, showing me pure connection with someone in just the 4 months we physically shared on this earth. We never met face to face, we found common ground through our discussions of life, death, German New Medicine, family and personal issues. An unlikely pair...she a midwest republican, married with children, christian; me a buddhist/pagan/whatever, single lesbian. We understood the midwest upbringing and mindset, we shared a similar path of coming to grips with the reality of this dominant western medical paradigm and its fearing/panic modus operandi, we loved having the GNM connection and talking about how we had seen our lives change with understanding the biological laws.
Life takes its own course. People come into our lives at any given time and slip through and away as well. Some we really have a tremendously positive connection, others it is "negative," many connections are seemingly of no meaning. Yet, with everyone, at least in my experience, there is growth there because of the relationship, if I am open to it.
Lorene's death was very hard. That evening, after the news, I cried so intensely, from my core. And, I also had this feeling of immense love move into me, immense joy for our connection, and knew that she and I had allowed ourselves to see the truth of each other: that we are One. I had finals in two days, and heard something Lorene had told me in one of our conversations...."Mariah, I love watching you grow through this going back to school." I dedicated the rest of my study and test taking to Lorene, in gratitude for the spirit of support she gave me that fall.
Our friendship was the bright star in my life, showing me pure connection with someone in just the 4 months we physically shared on this earth. We never met face to face, we found common ground through our discussions of life, death, German New Medicine, family and personal issues. An unlikely pair...she a midwest republican, married with children, christian; me a buddhist/pagan/whatever, single lesbian. We understood the midwest upbringing and mindset, we shared a similar path of coming to grips with the reality of this dominant western medical paradigm and its fearing/panic modus operandi, we loved having the GNM connection and talking about how we had seen our lives change with understanding the biological laws.
Life takes its own course. People come into our lives at any given time and slip through and away as well. Some we really have a tremendously positive connection, others it is "negative," many connections are seemingly of no meaning. Yet, with everyone, at least in my experience, there is growth there because of the relationship, if I am open to it.
Lorene's death was very hard. That evening, after the news, I cried so intensely, from my core. And, I also had this feeling of immense love move into me, immense joy for our connection, and knew that she and I had allowed ourselves to see the truth of each other: that we are One. I had finals in two days, and heard something Lorene had told me in one of our conversations...."Mariah, I love watching you grow through this going back to school." I dedicated the rest of my study and test taking to Lorene, in gratitude for the spirit of support she gave me that fall.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Experiencing great improvement!!
It's has been a LONG time since my last post......indicative of the amount of studying we do in this program. This past week was intense, with two written assignments, a comprehensive quiz in Meridians and Points, a test in Theory, and my roommate continuing to act from a place of exhaustion and paranoia.
I made the decision two weeks ago that I would move out at the end of this trimester. No more trying to stick this out until April. It feels right to get into a better situation, I have learned my lessons with her......I find myself having compassion for her, for myself, and it is plain as the nose on my face that I have been viewing behaviors similar to those I acted on in my relationship with D. In their full force weirdness.....it has given me a sense of compassion towards what D. experienced living with me while I was very confused, tired, scared, and having grave liver issues.
I met with my advisor, Dr. Zhang, this week at the point where I was feeling unsure if I wanted to continue with the herbal portion of my degree (we have that option....acupuncture alone, or acupuncture and herbal medicine). She was very encouraging, explaining how the herbal portion is actually the majority of treatment in China, whereas in this country, acupuncture is emphasized. She also told me I had an aptitude for acupuncture/oriental medicine, and to hang in there. Nice to get that support. I went back to my herbal assignment, and found that sense of excitement, connection, again.
My intuition moved me to changing my treatment to the Seneca Falls Health Center last month to another one of my professors.....Darlene Easton....an amazing practitioner. Prior to going to her, I was struggling with the heart palpitations, easily drawn down energy. I had the sense that the student clinic/practitioner was not hitting things right with me. Darlene radically changed my herbal formula to that of working on my liver.....as the degree of phlegm accumulation/toxins in the liver were making it overwhelm the earth element, and my heart was then overworking as it wasn't being supported by the Liver. One day of the week, she and her students treat my back shu points.....acupuncture points which boost or tonify the energy of each organ....and place burning moxa on my Life Gate point (over the 2nd lumbar vertebra) to invigorate my essence or basic life force energy. The other day will be acupuncture on front body points, to address liver, heart, gallbladder, spleen issues. And more burning moxa over Stomach 36 Zu San Li or Leg 3 Li points on my lateral lower leg, to again invigorate my energy level. To build what is called Zheng qi......the Right Qi, the qi which forms the basic health and physiological functioning of my body. When this is lowered, Evil qi, Xie qi, can take over more easily......being more susceptible to external forces....wind, cold, damp, heat, dryness....and internal imbalances.
See, I am learning something here.....my body is my laboratory and teacher.....
This approach is all working very well -- I rarely have heart palpitations, and when I do they are very minor and it takes more "efforting" and tiredness to bring it up. My energy level bounces back so much more quickly and abundantly after a stressful week or situation (like, those with roommate.....). I am exercising 2x per week, much more active at school, tolerating entire days without energy crashes, and doing daily qigong, typically 30 minutes, somedays 1 to 2 hours depending on my schedule....which in itself, I experience, is also a big factor in why I am feeling better.
Sing the praises of Eastern Medicine......I would never have been able to heal like this without energy medicine, and the "no panic" mindset/understanding of the healing process from German New Medicine. In fact, I learned last week in Theory class what Dr. Guo meant when he said I would not have survived liver surgery. Liver yin, liver blood and essence from the kidneys are responsible for "anchoring" yang in the body.....keeping yin and yang in connection with each other so that each is capable of contributing their "expertise" to the body/mind/spirit. My liver was so "dried up" and lacking of yin and blood that if I had surgery, the liver would not have been able to heal properly, letting my yang lose connection with my body......which would have then created a cascade of health conditions, leading to death.
Sent chills through me......wow, my Spirit really is/was in tune with wanting to live, to stay on this planet, to heal completely. I cried and cried and cried in April 2007, a few nights after D and I went to Mayo Clinic, where the surgery option was presented to me.....I told her, in the middle of the night, crying, that I could not do the surgery, that my Spirit did not want the surgery. Chemo...hell, that would have just overwhelmed my body/energy, also...... So, I am still alive and kicking and growing and healing and loving, thanks to Spirit.
I know this is my mission, purpose in life.
I made the decision two weeks ago that I would move out at the end of this trimester. No more trying to stick this out until April. It feels right to get into a better situation, I have learned my lessons with her......I find myself having compassion for her, for myself, and it is plain as the nose on my face that I have been viewing behaviors similar to those I acted on in my relationship with D. In their full force weirdness.....it has given me a sense of compassion towards what D. experienced living with me while I was very confused, tired, scared, and having grave liver issues.
I met with my advisor, Dr. Zhang, this week at the point where I was feeling unsure if I wanted to continue with the herbal portion of my degree (we have that option....acupuncture alone, or acupuncture and herbal medicine). She was very encouraging, explaining how the herbal portion is actually the majority of treatment in China, whereas in this country, acupuncture is emphasized. She also told me I had an aptitude for acupuncture/oriental medicine, and to hang in there. Nice to get that support. I went back to my herbal assignment, and found that sense of excitement, connection, again.
My intuition moved me to changing my treatment to the Seneca Falls Health Center last month to another one of my professors.....Darlene Easton....an amazing practitioner. Prior to going to her, I was struggling with the heart palpitations, easily drawn down energy. I had the sense that the student clinic/practitioner was not hitting things right with me. Darlene radically changed my herbal formula to that of working on my liver.....as the degree of phlegm accumulation/toxins in the liver were making it overwhelm the earth element, and my heart was then overworking as it wasn't being supported by the Liver. One day of the week, she and her students treat my back shu points.....acupuncture points which boost or tonify the energy of each organ....and place burning moxa on my Life Gate point (over the 2nd lumbar vertebra) to invigorate my essence or basic life force energy. The other day will be acupuncture on front body points, to address liver, heart, gallbladder, spleen issues. And more burning moxa over Stomach 36 Zu San Li or Leg 3 Li points on my lateral lower leg, to again invigorate my energy level. To build what is called Zheng qi......the Right Qi, the qi which forms the basic health and physiological functioning of my body. When this is lowered, Evil qi, Xie qi, can take over more easily......being more susceptible to external forces....wind, cold, damp, heat, dryness....and internal imbalances.
See, I am learning something here.....my body is my laboratory and teacher.....
This approach is all working very well -- I rarely have heart palpitations, and when I do they are very minor and it takes more "efforting" and tiredness to bring it up. My energy level bounces back so much more quickly and abundantly after a stressful week or situation (like, those with roommate.....). I am exercising 2x per week, much more active at school, tolerating entire days without energy crashes, and doing daily qigong, typically 30 minutes, somedays 1 to 2 hours depending on my schedule....which in itself, I experience, is also a big factor in why I am feeling better.
Sing the praises of Eastern Medicine......I would never have been able to heal like this without energy medicine, and the "no panic" mindset/understanding of the healing process from German New Medicine. In fact, I learned last week in Theory class what Dr. Guo meant when he said I would not have survived liver surgery. Liver yin, liver blood and essence from the kidneys are responsible for "anchoring" yang in the body.....keeping yin and yang in connection with each other so that each is capable of contributing their "expertise" to the body/mind/spirit. My liver was so "dried up" and lacking of yin and blood that if I had surgery, the liver would not have been able to heal properly, letting my yang lose connection with my body......which would have then created a cascade of health conditions, leading to death.
Sent chills through me......wow, my Spirit really is/was in tune with wanting to live, to stay on this planet, to heal completely. I cried and cried and cried in April 2007, a few nights after D and I went to Mayo Clinic, where the surgery option was presented to me.....I told her, in the middle of the night, crying, that I could not do the surgery, that my Spirit did not want the surgery. Chemo...hell, that would have just overwhelmed my body/energy, also...... So, I am still alive and kicking and growing and healing and loving, thanks to Spirit.
I know this is my mission, purpose in life.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Looking at Beliefs......
I had a difficult mid-week this week, after having quite a few days of feeling really grounded, normal, happy. My roommate is a 5th trimester DC student, taking 33 CREDITS!! I have been watching her spiral down into this abyss of over-tiredness, mumbling under her breath, yet her continuing to say "I function best when on the edge!!!" Well, what I was getting, however, was more and more behaviors from an unedited, uninhibited, and tired person. My typical behaviors around my internet addiction, going more and more into the "yikes, it is feeling like I am walking on eggshells here!" and feeling not good enough, as well as my judgemental attitudes about her program and her way of dealing with stress smacked right into her issues. She barked at me a few times. I could take that. Then, she called me on my cellphone to express her "anger" about feeling intruded on one morning...WHAM! I went into my belief of not being good enough and not able to step back and see the whole scenario. I lost the ability to stay present and see the entire situation for what it was. I complained to a couple of classmates.....I ran the scenarios over and over in my mind....I carped about her behaviors......
Then, I saw that this was just dragging me down. There was no point to "winning" this war with her. Our living together was getting more and more uncomfortable. I was starting to think seriously about "getting the hell out of Dodge!" Yet, a part of me knew that this was a pattern for me.....and I wanted to get through it.
I heard her say, during one of her moments of exasperation, something to the effect of worrying about her finances. Bingo....I heard that on a deeper level. This was one more stressor to her that she just could not tolerate (and perhaps was making it more of an issue with all her other stressors going on). I wanted to let her know I cared, and heard her. So, I went to P&C Market and got her a small gift certificate. I gave it to her later that evening, saying "I just wanted to apologize for my insensitivities, I see that you are going through alot!" She was surprised, said I didn't have to do that, and then gave me a hug.
There was such a different feeling in the air around/between us. We laughed with each other that night. She talked loud enough so that I could hear her.
This morning, I received in my gmail inbox a message from Steve Pavlina's "Personal Development Insights".....he introduced a fellow named Morty Lefkoe, who essentially does cognitive behavioral therapy.....helping people look at their beliefs. I went through the process for "I am not good enough." At the end, 35 minutes later, I could tell that belief was gone, or at least had a minimal impact on me.
Went to acupuncture after that. A student in my program was there for observation, and I reluctantly agreed to have her sit in on my program.......concerned that my background issues would not be respected, since I have such a different way of dealing with health. Yet, I said ok, because I knew I would be in that position next week, as an observer, and a part of me DID want my classmate to know that there are alternative ways of looking at healing. So, on we go.
As I told my story, I could feel this belief creeping into the outer layer of my consciousness.....egads, I am crazy! I am sick. I did not sleep well last night, was waking up every 2 hours, and had some palpitations and tiredness. I was letting that experience overrun me, emotionally. I became afraid.....afraid that maybe I really was dying, and was just playing a trick on myself.
I had gotten the message Tuesday (two days prior) from friend Emily that a mutual friend of ours, someone who had gone to Dr. Guo, and at some point this spring had been deemed "healthy" and "cured" from colon cancer. Yet, Emily is relaying to me now that she is in hospice and isn't expected to live much longer!!!! My initial reaction was "holy shit! Am I going to die? We both saw the same herbalist, both had the same pronouncement of health!" It didn't help that this information arrived the day my roommate was going into her dance routine as well......
Intellectually, I rationalized that "I have a different mindset, from GNM, showing me that I AM healthy." I did have an interaction with this woman (K.) this summer, and at one point in our conversation, felt compelled to ask her "are you alright?" I asked her that a number of times......and wondered, "was I projecting there? Am I the one who is not ok?" It was true that I was going through the weird and intense gallbladder pain at the time..... I wonder now if a part of me was picking up something from her.....
Had an astrology reading last night with MoonCat in Missoula.....she confirmed just how psychic I am......she told me to "control the weather....." and "bring it on, now!" when I responded to something she said in the reading that hadn't come to fruition (yet, later on, I realized it had already.....).
Where am I going with all this......oh yeah. After acupuncture, I felt much better, went on to do my workstudy job. Within 1.25 hours, I felt the heart stuff coming back....and got back into the fear mode. I hung on for another 15 minutes of work, then moved on to turn off the projectors in various rooms. My body was dragging.....I decided to respond to my body rather than "think myself through it" and push on, which is my tendency. I stretched out on an adjusting table and took a quick nap, which helped.
As I got up to finish my rooms, I remembered the process I did this morning around beliefs, and so turned the light on to what was going on for me this morning. It became clear to me that I was operating under two scary beliefs:
1. As a child, I could not fathom that I would live until the year 2000......that seemed unattainable!
2. I am kidding myself around my health issues.
As I began to look at those, and acknowledge that these where both repeated thoughts in my mind, and probably reinforced by my parents behaviors, especially my mother's, that I no longer had to believe in them. And, I popped out of the feeling weak, worrying. As I sit here typing, I am aware of healing sensations.....hunger, ready to take a short nap, relief, warmth in my feet and hands.
I do know that mindset is a HUGE aspect to the quality of one's life, and that applies to health besides prosperity, getting your soulmate, etc. I have seen myself come close to plummeting into pits of despair and extreme weakness, just from the quality of buying into negative thought. When I realize what I am doing, and turn my thinking around to that of perfection......invariably, my energy level goes back to normal. Quite normal. Able to function normally.
Amazing turnarounds, just by how I think. Vibrate.
Then, I saw that this was just dragging me down. There was no point to "winning" this war with her. Our living together was getting more and more uncomfortable. I was starting to think seriously about "getting the hell out of Dodge!" Yet, a part of me knew that this was a pattern for me.....and I wanted to get through it.
I heard her say, during one of her moments of exasperation, something to the effect of worrying about her finances. Bingo....I heard that on a deeper level. This was one more stressor to her that she just could not tolerate (and perhaps was making it more of an issue with all her other stressors going on). I wanted to let her know I cared, and heard her. So, I went to P&C Market and got her a small gift certificate. I gave it to her later that evening, saying "I just wanted to apologize for my insensitivities, I see that you are going through alot!" She was surprised, said I didn't have to do that, and then gave me a hug.
There was such a different feeling in the air around/between us. We laughed with each other that night. She talked loud enough so that I could hear her.
This morning, I received in my gmail inbox a message from Steve Pavlina's "Personal Development Insights".....he introduced a fellow named Morty Lefkoe, who essentially does cognitive behavioral therapy.....helping people look at their beliefs. I went through the process for "I am not good enough." At the end, 35 minutes later, I could tell that belief was gone, or at least had a minimal impact on me.
Went to acupuncture after that. A student in my program was there for observation, and I reluctantly agreed to have her sit in on my program.......concerned that my background issues would not be respected, since I have such a different way of dealing with health. Yet, I said ok, because I knew I would be in that position next week, as an observer, and a part of me DID want my classmate to know that there are alternative ways of looking at healing. So, on we go.
As I told my story, I could feel this belief creeping into the outer layer of my consciousness.....egads, I am crazy! I am sick. I did not sleep well last night, was waking up every 2 hours, and had some palpitations and tiredness. I was letting that experience overrun me, emotionally. I became afraid.....afraid that maybe I really was dying, and was just playing a trick on myself.
I had gotten the message Tuesday (two days prior) from friend Emily that a mutual friend of ours, someone who had gone to Dr. Guo, and at some point this spring had been deemed "healthy" and "cured" from colon cancer. Yet, Emily is relaying to me now that she is in hospice and isn't expected to live much longer!!!! My initial reaction was "holy shit! Am I going to die? We both saw the same herbalist, both had the same pronouncement of health!" It didn't help that this information arrived the day my roommate was going into her dance routine as well......
Intellectually, I rationalized that "I have a different mindset, from GNM, showing me that I AM healthy." I did have an interaction with this woman (K.) this summer, and at one point in our conversation, felt compelled to ask her "are you alright?" I asked her that a number of times......and wondered, "was I projecting there? Am I the one who is not ok?" It was true that I was going through the weird and intense gallbladder pain at the time..... I wonder now if a part of me was picking up something from her.....
Had an astrology reading last night with MoonCat in Missoula.....she confirmed just how psychic I am......she told me to "control the weather....." and "bring it on, now!" when I responded to something she said in the reading that hadn't come to fruition (yet, later on, I realized it had already.....).
Where am I going with all this......oh yeah. After acupuncture, I felt much better, went on to do my workstudy job. Within 1.25 hours, I felt the heart stuff coming back....and got back into the fear mode. I hung on for another 15 minutes of work, then moved on to turn off the projectors in various rooms. My body was dragging.....I decided to respond to my body rather than "think myself through it" and push on, which is my tendency. I stretched out on an adjusting table and took a quick nap, which helped.
As I got up to finish my rooms, I remembered the process I did this morning around beliefs, and so turned the light on to what was going on for me this morning. It became clear to me that I was operating under two scary beliefs:
1. As a child, I could not fathom that I would live until the year 2000......that seemed unattainable!
2. I am kidding myself around my health issues.
As I began to look at those, and acknowledge that these where both repeated thoughts in my mind, and probably reinforced by my parents behaviors, especially my mother's, that I no longer had to believe in them. And, I popped out of the feeling weak, worrying. As I sit here typing, I am aware of healing sensations.....hunger, ready to take a short nap, relief, warmth in my feet and hands.
I do know that mindset is a HUGE aspect to the quality of one's life, and that applies to health besides prosperity, getting your soulmate, etc. I have seen myself come close to plummeting into pits of despair and extreme weakness, just from the quality of buying into negative thought. When I realize what I am doing, and turn my thinking around to that of perfection......invariably, my energy level goes back to normal. Quite normal. Able to function normally.
Amazing turnarounds, just by how I think. Vibrate.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Studying TCM
Well, as my title of today's blog notes, most of my time has been consumed by studying. Chinese Medicine is a totally different language, and concept. It is based on sages' viewing of the natural order of life.....how everything is just an aspect waxing and waning energy, nothing is static, everything is from a basic energy source, and health/disease is relative to the balance of all the constituents.....qi (energy), blood, essence, fluids, etc. Not a whiff of western physiological explanations there, either. Totally different.
What is amazing to me, though, is that TCM seems to me that it has evolved into the "integrative" model, the disease oriented model, adopting Pasteur's Germ Theory, the metatasis model, all unproven theories.....my assumption is in order to become part of the westernized business model. Especially these schools in the west.....join or fail to thrive. I do have my reservations about this, and I do find myself contemplating during classes, study how all my experiences have brought me to this moment. I look at Dr. Guo's ability to look beyond the fear of the western medicine, his "different understanding" as put by the campus health center acupuncture clinic director. I am aware of the classification of diseases into cold and hot/warm diseases, and how Dr. Hamer's GNM has shown these to be just aspects of the healing process. I wonder if TCM's roots where these categories arose had more to do with social conditions and the whether people, prior to the Warring States times, just did not survive the sympathicotonic stresses of conflict-active phase, and then perhaps with changing attitudes towards supporting the peasants (for the rulers' own good....to keep them in power), the general populace began living longer, able to resolve conflicts easier, medicine changing to help the process, and thus the "development/classification" of warm diseases.......it will be an interesting point to bring up with my theory prof.
So, my energy level is improving. I am able to exercise more regularly, albeit not an intense kind of workout as done in my past. I am aware of being more sensitive to emotional turmoil in others, and am learning to shut off my "conduit" so as not to take those energies in. I am finding it fascinating interacting with my classmates. For the most part, the group is really a great group of people. More mature, more friendly than my PT classmates as a whole. Then again, I am different....settled, not into the competition thing, much more confident and engaged in myself now. Yet, I do sense categories of people: the sheeples, the brainiacs, the timid, those who don't know themselves, the egoics, and.......a few of us who have dealt with issues around serious health and/or death. I find these categorizations in the faculty as well.
This latter group......I find these few people to be calm, much less affected by grade or status, much more willing to be loners, and, a connection with the heart is easily accessed.
An area of information which has been crossing my path alot lately is that of the Ascension........the raising of one's vibrational level in order to keep up with the changes in the Universe and our Earth. Sites I track are: http://johnsmallman.wordpress.com/ and
http://www.emergingearthangels.com/index.html
A few other places, just can't locate them right now. The basic message is: there is a lot of stuff going on right now. We are even "losing" minutes, as noted by the international scientific group that tracks the earth's rotational speed and how that creates time. The earth is spinning faster.
So, meditate. Do qigong. Rest more. Love more, especially your self! Let go of expecting things to "return to normal." We are where we are. Buckle up, people. Take away the blinders. Trust your body's wisdom.....listen!
Namaste, Mariah
What is amazing to me, though, is that TCM seems to me that it has evolved into the "integrative" model, the disease oriented model, adopting Pasteur's Germ Theory, the metatasis model, all unproven theories.....my assumption is in order to become part of the westernized business model. Especially these schools in the west.....join or fail to thrive. I do have my reservations about this, and I do find myself contemplating during classes, study how all my experiences have brought me to this moment. I look at Dr. Guo's ability to look beyond the fear of the western medicine, his "different understanding" as put by the campus health center acupuncture clinic director. I am aware of the classification of diseases into cold and hot/warm diseases, and how Dr. Hamer's GNM has shown these to be just aspects of the healing process. I wonder if TCM's roots where these categories arose had more to do with social conditions and the whether people, prior to the Warring States times, just did not survive the sympathicotonic stresses of conflict-active phase, and then perhaps with changing attitudes towards supporting the peasants (for the rulers' own good....to keep them in power), the general populace began living longer, able to resolve conflicts easier, medicine changing to help the process, and thus the "development/classification" of warm diseases.......it will be an interesting point to bring up with my theory prof.
So, my energy level is improving. I am able to exercise more regularly, albeit not an intense kind of workout as done in my past. I am aware of being more sensitive to emotional turmoil in others, and am learning to shut off my "conduit" so as not to take those energies in. I am finding it fascinating interacting with my classmates. For the most part, the group is really a great group of people. More mature, more friendly than my PT classmates as a whole. Then again, I am different....settled, not into the competition thing, much more confident and engaged in myself now. Yet, I do sense categories of people: the sheeples, the brainiacs, the timid, those who don't know themselves, the egoics, and.......a few of us who have dealt with issues around serious health and/or death. I find these categorizations in the faculty as well.
This latter group......I find these few people to be calm, much less affected by grade or status, much more willing to be loners, and, a connection with the heart is easily accessed.
An area of information which has been crossing my path alot lately is that of the Ascension........the raising of one's vibrational level in order to keep up with the changes in the Universe and our Earth. Sites I track are: http://johnsmallman.wordpress.com/ and
http://www.emergingearthangels.com/index.html
A few other places, just can't locate them right now. The basic message is: there is a lot of stuff going on right now. We are even "losing" minutes, as noted by the international scientific group that tracks the earth's rotational speed and how that creates time. The earth is spinning faster.
So, meditate. Do qigong. Rest more. Love more, especially your self! Let go of expecting things to "return to normal." We are where we are. Buckle up, people. Take away the blinders. Trust your body's wisdom.....listen!
Namaste, Mariah
Friday, August 28, 2009
Following the message
Well, LOTS has transpired since the last entry. I did indeed get accepted into Finger Lakes School of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, in Seneca Falls, NY. I packed up 9 boxes of books and clothes and special mementos, sold or gave away the rest of my earthly belongings, and drove out to New York with the aid of friend Kathy. My energy level, and my level of calmness improved with each day closer to New York. I told a number of friends "this feels SO right...I have no qualms at all about this move....and is the first time I have felt this comfortable with an intended move."
Here I am...in Fairport, NY right now, at my sister's home. Sleep has been variable, depending on the amount of stress for that day, or food consumption. My heart palpitations have dissipated considerably, much to my happiness. It seemed that the moving process was a help for getting me stronger. I can see how over the weeks my fitness level improved, to the point where now walking 10 to 15minutes at a time does not bother me. Stairs...I still take it easy and keep my mindset calm. I had some descending colon pain last week, which Dr. Guo relieved via increasing the DACH formula.
About 1.5 weeks before leaving, I began to visualize what I wanted for housing....I thought it would be nice to live on Lake Cayuga. A very specific scene popped into my mind....sitting in the front room, at dusk, overlooking the lake which was actually below the house level, and there were 2 trees over to the right, and a fire pit in the middle. The college sent me a listing of housing advertisements, and on a Sunday morning I started making calls, focusing on lakeside or lakeview housing. One in particular stood out, on Seneca Lake, the next lake to the west, partly because the woman was charging so little compared to others, but also because as she described it, it sounded like the scene in my mind. Then she sent me a link to the real estate ad (it had recently been taken off the listing), and, OMG....it sure looked like the vision. Needless to say, I felt very drawn to the potential.
I arranged to drive over and see her place last night, and since I was driving back from Albany (dropped off Kathy at the PineHaven B&B, where Doug was arriving so that they could have a family reunion with daughter Brynne and her fiance Bronson), she offered to let me stay overnight. She also had called me earlier to say that another woman had inquired about one of the rooms, and would have her join us. I arrived first....the outside was neat, the inside was damp/mildewy, cold, drafty, creaky, rooms were very small, 3 large dogs, the boyfriend was a very shy man, the woman was overly talkative but very nice, and spiders inhabited many corners of each room. I was beginning to doubt this vision, things just weren't feeling right. Ida, the other potential renter arrived...I had a sense of familiarity with her. We talked a bit longer after the woman and her boyfriend left, and decided I would call her in the morning to tell her my perception of the place.
Dusk arrived, and, sure enough, I looked out the front room through the porch, and there were the two trees, silhouetted just as I had seen. I had a very difficult time sleeping there....the dogs whined, I could hear the two upstairs talking, the water from toilet flushing/showering went directly overhead, the bed was just not comfortable. I woke up exhausted in the morning. The saving grace was the hot shower in the morning. I ate my breakfast, and left, panicked a bit....I felt drawn to drive down to Ithaca and look for decent housing.
Ithaca was cool....lots of cafes, a great natural foodstore, hip-ness all around. Moosewood Restaurant, unfortunately, was closed. My reflective listening buddy forgot our weekly phone call. Housing was VERY expensive in Ithaca. I felt like shit barely warmed over because of not eating well, driving all day, and not sleeping well. I was beginning to feel depressed. But, I wouldn't let my self go there. I turned north on 89 and drove up to Seneca Falls, not knowing why, except that I was to contact Ida in the morning.
A quick phone call to friend DeAndria..."Hi DeAndria, I need your support right now. This is what happened.......and then asked her to visualize the right living situation come to me which would be of support to my healing and schooling process.
I then called Ida as I got closer to SF, told her all about the experience at the lakehouse, and how I would not live there. She had the same feeling, too, and offered to meet me at the college to show me the housing list. We met at noon. Again, the feeling that being with her was comfortable. She is 47 years old, easy going, drives a Mercedes CL, likes to talk.
It turns out her situation was that she had arranged to sublet her apartment to 2 women, because she hadn't been successful finding a roommate, and would go into a shared housing situation herself. As she talked, I wondered "why don't I move in to her apartment?" So did she. The topic came up, she showed me her apartment...it was nice. It felt right. She called the other women, and told them she had decided to keep the place.
So, with two weeks before school, I do have a place to live. I realized that sometimes a vision is not necessarily the end result.....it may just be the step to take me on the next step, and that it is important to just accept the vision, not get attached to it, and just follow the message, the gut feeling, and be open to where it leads.
Ida and I got keys for me, and I then headed back to my sister's place. I made a great spaghetti dish while Nancy made salad, and we ate with Katie and Grandma Mary in her apartment. Played with Casper, the wonder dog, until Katie scooped him up and settled him down. I felt this content I hadn't had in a very long time....feeling joy over being with people, feeling connected. And, my thought is, hmmm, I have a great apartment with a roomie who is going through school and we can help each other in the process, and I can drive over to my sister's for R&R with them as needed. Life is good. Variety, familiarity, proximity to school...life is full, not just good.
Here I am...in Fairport, NY right now, at my sister's home. Sleep has been variable, depending on the amount of stress for that day, or food consumption. My heart palpitations have dissipated considerably, much to my happiness. It seemed that the moving process was a help for getting me stronger. I can see how over the weeks my fitness level improved, to the point where now walking 10 to 15minutes at a time does not bother me. Stairs...I still take it easy and keep my mindset calm. I had some descending colon pain last week, which Dr. Guo relieved via increasing the DACH formula.
About 1.5 weeks before leaving, I began to visualize what I wanted for housing....I thought it would be nice to live on Lake Cayuga. A very specific scene popped into my mind....sitting in the front room, at dusk, overlooking the lake which was actually below the house level, and there were 2 trees over to the right, and a fire pit in the middle. The college sent me a listing of housing advertisements, and on a Sunday morning I started making calls, focusing on lakeside or lakeview housing. One in particular stood out, on Seneca Lake, the next lake to the west, partly because the woman was charging so little compared to others, but also because as she described it, it sounded like the scene in my mind. Then she sent me a link to the real estate ad (it had recently been taken off the listing), and, OMG....it sure looked like the vision. Needless to say, I felt very drawn to the potential.
I arranged to drive over and see her place last night, and since I was driving back from Albany (dropped off Kathy at the PineHaven B&B, where Doug was arriving so that they could have a family reunion with daughter Brynne and her fiance Bronson), she offered to let me stay overnight. She also had called me earlier to say that another woman had inquired about one of the rooms, and would have her join us. I arrived first....the outside was neat, the inside was damp/mildewy, cold, drafty, creaky, rooms were very small, 3 large dogs, the boyfriend was a very shy man, the woman was overly talkative but very nice, and spiders inhabited many corners of each room. I was beginning to doubt this vision, things just weren't feeling right. Ida, the other potential renter arrived...I had a sense of familiarity with her. We talked a bit longer after the woman and her boyfriend left, and decided I would call her in the morning to tell her my perception of the place.
Dusk arrived, and, sure enough, I looked out the front room through the porch, and there were the two trees, silhouetted just as I had seen. I had a very difficult time sleeping there....the dogs whined, I could hear the two upstairs talking, the water from toilet flushing/showering went directly overhead, the bed was just not comfortable. I woke up exhausted in the morning. The saving grace was the hot shower in the morning. I ate my breakfast, and left, panicked a bit....I felt drawn to drive down to Ithaca and look for decent housing.
Ithaca was cool....lots of cafes, a great natural foodstore, hip-ness all around. Moosewood Restaurant, unfortunately, was closed. My reflective listening buddy forgot our weekly phone call. Housing was VERY expensive in Ithaca. I felt like shit barely warmed over because of not eating well, driving all day, and not sleeping well. I was beginning to feel depressed. But, I wouldn't let my self go there. I turned north on 89 and drove up to Seneca Falls, not knowing why, except that I was to contact Ida in the morning.
A quick phone call to friend DeAndria..."Hi DeAndria, I need your support right now. This is what happened.......and then asked her to visualize the right living situation come to me which would be of support to my healing and schooling process.
I then called Ida as I got closer to SF, told her all about the experience at the lakehouse, and how I would not live there. She had the same feeling, too, and offered to meet me at the college to show me the housing list. We met at noon. Again, the feeling that being with her was comfortable. She is 47 years old, easy going, drives a Mercedes CL, likes to talk.
It turns out her situation was that she had arranged to sublet her apartment to 2 women, because she hadn't been successful finding a roommate, and would go into a shared housing situation herself. As she talked, I wondered "why don't I move in to her apartment?" So did she. The topic came up, she showed me her apartment...it was nice. It felt right. She called the other women, and told them she had decided to keep the place.
So, with two weeks before school, I do have a place to live. I realized that sometimes a vision is not necessarily the end result.....it may just be the step to take me on the next step, and that it is important to just accept the vision, not get attached to it, and just follow the message, the gut feeling, and be open to where it leads.
Ida and I got keys for me, and I then headed back to my sister's place. I made a great spaghetti dish while Nancy made salad, and we ate with Katie and Grandma Mary in her apartment. Played with Casper, the wonder dog, until Katie scooped him up and settled him down. I felt this content I hadn't had in a very long time....feeling joy over being with people, feeling connected. And, my thought is, hmmm, I have a great apartment with a roomie who is going through school and we can help each other in the process, and I can drive over to my sister's for R&R with them as needed. Life is good. Variety, familiarity, proximity to school...life is full, not just good.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Burnout and Rebirth
I am two weeks into a 4 week leave of absence.....I hit my bottom over two weeks ago at work, and could not take one more demand on my energy there. It was scary, I knew I needed to take a break NOW. At first I took one week off, spent two days at home, two days then at the St. Norbert Abbey, one day at someone's house (thinking I needed to be around someone......no, I did not, I found out), then went back to the Abbey. I came home and called work the next day to say I needed more time off. Dr. Aldrich also agreed with me, and I changed my paperwork for 4 weeks of full time medical leave. It has been a week now, and this morning I woke up feeling like I was turning the corner.
Two days ago, I spent time with Debra Eberhardy, of Sacred Medicine in Schofield, WI. She was the woman who did soul retrieval work with me in August of 2007, literally saved my life. Well, she did it again! She assisted me on a journey to the other side, and into the underworld, in native american healing fashion. As I began to let go (that was hard, I was so much in my head, so fearful of experiencing the intense sedation I had during a healing touch session a month ago which made me very groggy), Debra was able to gently let me know that everything was ok, reminding me that she was there, I was protected. I heard the words emanate from inside me "chinese medicine will protect you...." Then she showed me the way into the underworld and there I met Silver Bear, my spirit guide. Debra and I communicated gently during the process, and I saw that my spirit had left me when my mother died. Debra retrieved my soul and blew it back into my belly and my head. I felt a release of the noose around my heart. I cried and cried the pain of mom's death, until I was able to sense I had let it go, finally.
The next piece of information that came to me was that I needed to re-address the goal I had of learning chinese medicine. I had the sense that I was to go east for school.....New England came up for me. I was aware of the New England School of Acupuncture outside of Boston, and we talked about that.....Debra had the strong sense that I needed to follow this intuition. I asked my spirit "when do I move and start this process?" I heard and saw "NOW!!!!" Very, very strong.
I got off the table and felt renewed, no heart pain, no fatigue. Settled. Ready to take the next step. My spirit guide is now with me, and I connect in with Silver Bear throughout the day, honor Silver Bear at meal times, and make tobacco ties to send my prayers to the spirit world.
Debra is studying chinese medicine at Midwest school of Acupuncture in Racine. She travels the 5-6 hours down there and back every week, and has been doing this for almost 2 years now. I was at her home for a woman's ceremony/lodge in December 2007, to do my own letting go ceremony of my relationship with D, when she first told me she was studying. I got IRATE!!! It was explosive, I felt this intense "NO!!! I am supposed to be doing that!!!! You are native american, this is not your medicine!!!" Funny to hear that from a midwesterner.....how am I any more qualified? I made some intensely rude remark to her and left the table. It wasn't until later, after I got home that I was able to talk to her about this, to apologize to her. But, I still didn't get the message that I needed to go back to school. I was too much into self-preservation mode as D and I crashed our way through our breakup.
At this session with Debra, she talked about September of 2007, when D and I went to her for a sweat lodge.....for my healing, but it also evolved into ceremony for D and her ancestry with the Lenae Lenape, embracing her grandfather, and to take in her step-sister's spirit to safeguard it as Nancy traveled (she had committed suicide the previous June). Then she told me about how D and I had given her a white bear pelt. Bear is the totem animal for healers. Two weeks later, she was attending the school in Racine. She said it was her honor to now pass on Silver Bear to me, because it is my turn to go learn. We both felt embraced by Spirit, aware that the world was in order.
My shaman brother Dale was with me again on this journey to Schofield. I love him so much.....he is an avatar, a healer, full of so much love! When I told him what transpired, and that I needed to go east to school, and to do it soon, he was initially concerned. I asked him to believe in me, and asked for his coaching, because he is really good at that. Soon, he was coming up with phrases for me to think of:
"winners keep their head in the game"
"know thyself, look inward"
"believe in myself!"
"everyone has the potential to be great, you just have to expect, demand it of yourself"
and my favorite "I am making myself a topnotch healer by putting more tools into my bag."
When I got home later that afternoon, I began looking up the New England School of Acupuncture.....I saw that the term began August 27th....my spirit said, "no that is too soon." So, I did a search on other schools in the northeast.....and, wow, one stood out in neon lights:
New York Chiropractic College's Finger Lakes School of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. Master's in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. 3 years. Term starts September 9th. The campus is on a big lake. The campus health center is staffed by chiropractors and acupuncturists. It is 50 miles from Nancy's, located in Seneca Falls, at the northern edge of Lake Cayoga. Months ago, when I was lamenting to my sister (who lives in Fairport, NY) that I really, really needed to get out of Green Bay, she wrote back to me and said "you know, there are some really neat places around here...around the Finger Lakes..." A few weeks ago, I began to have the feeling that she was calling me to come there. At the time, in my desperately downward spiraling situation, all I could feel was "if I go there, it is because I am dying and I need to be at her place." It felt like throwing in the towel, the last straw. My propensity for initial negativity.
Nope, she was calling me, alerting me to what was possible, potent for me in Upstate New York. There was also something familiar to me about the program. I wrote to Chris Lowthert, DC, my GNM friend, and he wrote back, confirming that this was where he did his chiropractic work! He said it was a beautiful campus, and a good program, and that I would love living in the area.
The next morning I called both NESA and NYCC, leaving a message at NESA, but directly connecting to Kyung Brown, Admissions counselor at NYCC. She and I talked for quite a while, there was still room for me in the fall program, there was time to get everything in place to start in September, financial aid would be available to cover the entire program if needed, housing, testing out of western sciences......It felt so right! I jumped in on FAFSA, my transcripts, the application, the recommendation letters.
NESA called me back later that morning, but it still did not feel like the right fit.
Later that morning I called Debra, she was so happy for me! She also said that she had said prayers for me last night, that everything would go smoothly, easily, and I would find the right program. "It is supposed to be easy" Vimala John Nemick said to me last year. He was referring to relationships, but it applies to any endeavor. Easy yet with its own travails, hard work but because it comes from the heart, it doesn't feel like a burden.
I refer you dear readers to Domo Geshe Rinpoche's blog http://satisfiedbuddhist.blogspot.com/. She is Ann-Marie's teacher. Today's post just happened to be about burnout........
Blessings to all. And, one last parting note from The Universe (just came today):
Look at it like this, Mariah, the more challenging your life story has been so far, the bigger the goose bumps for future generations who retell it to their kids. Who will no doubt add, "And if Mariah Peterson was able to do all that, so can you!"
We've barely just begun - The Universe
Two days ago, I spent time with Debra Eberhardy, of Sacred Medicine in Schofield, WI. She was the woman who did soul retrieval work with me in August of 2007, literally saved my life. Well, she did it again! She assisted me on a journey to the other side, and into the underworld, in native american healing fashion. As I began to let go (that was hard, I was so much in my head, so fearful of experiencing the intense sedation I had during a healing touch session a month ago which made me very groggy), Debra was able to gently let me know that everything was ok, reminding me that she was there, I was protected. I heard the words emanate from inside me "chinese medicine will protect you...." Then she showed me the way into the underworld and there I met Silver Bear, my spirit guide. Debra and I communicated gently during the process, and I saw that my spirit had left me when my mother died. Debra retrieved my soul and blew it back into my belly and my head. I felt a release of the noose around my heart. I cried and cried the pain of mom's death, until I was able to sense I had let it go, finally.
The next piece of information that came to me was that I needed to re-address the goal I had of learning chinese medicine. I had the sense that I was to go east for school.....New England came up for me. I was aware of the New England School of Acupuncture outside of Boston, and we talked about that.....Debra had the strong sense that I needed to follow this intuition. I asked my spirit "when do I move and start this process?" I heard and saw "NOW!!!!" Very, very strong.
I got off the table and felt renewed, no heart pain, no fatigue. Settled. Ready to take the next step. My spirit guide is now with me, and I connect in with Silver Bear throughout the day, honor Silver Bear at meal times, and make tobacco ties to send my prayers to the spirit world.
Debra is studying chinese medicine at Midwest school of Acupuncture in Racine. She travels the 5-6 hours down there and back every week, and has been doing this for almost 2 years now. I was at her home for a woman's ceremony/lodge in December 2007, to do my own letting go ceremony of my relationship with D, when she first told me she was studying. I got IRATE!!! It was explosive, I felt this intense "NO!!! I am supposed to be doing that!!!! You are native american, this is not your medicine!!!" Funny to hear that from a midwesterner.....how am I any more qualified? I made some intensely rude remark to her and left the table. It wasn't until later, after I got home that I was able to talk to her about this, to apologize to her. But, I still didn't get the message that I needed to go back to school. I was too much into self-preservation mode as D and I crashed our way through our breakup.
At this session with Debra, she talked about September of 2007, when D and I went to her for a sweat lodge.....for my healing, but it also evolved into ceremony for D and her ancestry with the Lenae Lenape, embracing her grandfather, and to take in her step-sister's spirit to safeguard it as Nancy traveled (she had committed suicide the previous June). Then she told me about how D and I had given her a white bear pelt. Bear is the totem animal for healers. Two weeks later, she was attending the school in Racine. She said it was her honor to now pass on Silver Bear to me, because it is my turn to go learn. We both felt embraced by Spirit, aware that the world was in order.
My shaman brother Dale was with me again on this journey to Schofield. I love him so much.....he is an avatar, a healer, full of so much love! When I told him what transpired, and that I needed to go east to school, and to do it soon, he was initially concerned. I asked him to believe in me, and asked for his coaching, because he is really good at that. Soon, he was coming up with phrases for me to think of:
"winners keep their head in the game"
"know thyself, look inward"
"believe in myself!"
"everyone has the potential to be great, you just have to expect, demand it of yourself"
and my favorite "I am making myself a topnotch healer by putting more tools into my bag."
When I got home later that afternoon, I began looking up the New England School of Acupuncture.....I saw that the term began August 27th....my spirit said, "no that is too soon." So, I did a search on other schools in the northeast.....and, wow, one stood out in neon lights:
New York Chiropractic College's Finger Lakes School of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. Master's in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. 3 years. Term starts September 9th. The campus is on a big lake. The campus health center is staffed by chiropractors and acupuncturists. It is 50 miles from Nancy's, located in Seneca Falls, at the northern edge of Lake Cayoga. Months ago, when I was lamenting to my sister (who lives in Fairport, NY) that I really, really needed to get out of Green Bay, she wrote back to me and said "you know, there are some really neat places around here...around the Finger Lakes..." A few weeks ago, I began to have the feeling that she was calling me to come there. At the time, in my desperately downward spiraling situation, all I could feel was "if I go there, it is because I am dying and I need to be at her place." It felt like throwing in the towel, the last straw. My propensity for initial negativity.
Nope, she was calling me, alerting me to what was possible, potent for me in Upstate New York. There was also something familiar to me about the program. I wrote to Chris Lowthert, DC, my GNM friend, and he wrote back, confirming that this was where he did his chiropractic work! He said it was a beautiful campus, and a good program, and that I would love living in the area.
The next morning I called both NESA and NYCC, leaving a message at NESA, but directly connecting to Kyung Brown, Admissions counselor at NYCC. She and I talked for quite a while, there was still room for me in the fall program, there was time to get everything in place to start in September, financial aid would be available to cover the entire program if needed, housing, testing out of western sciences......It felt so right! I jumped in on FAFSA, my transcripts, the application, the recommendation letters.
NESA called me back later that morning, but it still did not feel like the right fit.
Later that morning I called Debra, she was so happy for me! She also said that she had said prayers for me last night, that everything would go smoothly, easily, and I would find the right program. "It is supposed to be easy" Vimala John Nemick said to me last year. He was referring to relationships, but it applies to any endeavor. Easy yet with its own travails, hard work but because it comes from the heart, it doesn't feel like a burden.
I refer you dear readers to Domo Geshe Rinpoche's blog http://satisfiedbuddhist.blogspot.com/. She is Ann-Marie's teacher. Today's post just happened to be about burnout........
Blessings to all. And, one last parting note from The Universe (just came today):
Look at it like this, Mariah, the more challenging your life story has been so far, the bigger the goose bumps for future generations who retell it to their kids. Who will no doubt add, "And if Mariah Peterson was able to do all that, so can you!"
We've barely just begun - The Universe
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