Sunday, March 13, 2011

No need for anxiety

I do have to admit, not too many people are willing to listen to the truth about health and healthcare. I do experience a tremendous number of people who really are up in arms about our current medical paradigm, and espouse the use of "alternative medicine." Yet, what these people don't understand (and, I was one of these people earlier in my life....) is that they are still colluding with the system they eschew because they don't understand the biological laws. Their experience is a practice, a method based on fear, because deep down they believe the inaccuracies of western medical science, and let fear motivate their "treatments." They continue to fight against something that is actually working for them, is a biologically superior process, albeit a difficult one at times, but is designed to make the organism more able to survive conflict.

I went through a good patch of time without any heart palpitations and irregular rhythms, and was progressing along quite nicely with my energy and emotional level. Pushing myself a bit more over time. Then, I had a series of emotional overwhelms last month, which brought back the healing symptoms of an overwhelm conflict. This gave me a push to go deeper into why I get on this track of Overwhelm. In addition to gently stabilizing myself through coming to understand how I tend to piggyback stressors onto myself, I also continued with icing my head, receiving acupuncture and herbal formula, meditating, getting more sleep.

But there was this underlying anxiety all the time, and that was the subject for me in talking with my mentors Caroline, Chris and Altazar. A light bulb went on in my head "there really isn't anything wrong with me, my body is showing me just how quickly it heals" because everything I was experiencing WERE healing symptoms. It was this immediate "aha" or conversion experience almost.....I am perpetuating this condition by the low level of anxiety I have carried my ENTIRE life, as most people do. And, the energy I had been putting into anxiety was now directed at marveling at how much my body has responded in the healing of lifelong patterns of conflict, I was changing at another layer.

I was changed, especially after a real heart to heart with Chris. I kinda was in this mode of blinking my eyes, looking around, and realizing I was seeing practically everything in my mind and physical existence completely differently. My sleep that night was deep, relaxing and I woke up in the anxiety, no worry, no wondering what was going to transpire for me that day. That day was also anxiety free. Every night since that revelation last week (March 6 and 7th), my sleep has been sound with the following morning being.....fresh, new. I was communicating in ways which were honoring of myself, instead of anxiety-fueled self devaluation or not able to see my talents and intelligence.

This gave me the realization, also, that my quality of life was in my control. Meaning, how I looked at things. Admittedly, I did have two days the end of the week filled with anger, like a boomerang effect. But, I was also in the presence of people who do very little inner work with themselves, and I tend to be a sponge for people's emotional waves.... By Friday night, after getting away from classmates, it all settled down again to that calm hum, that feeling I was basically happy and healthy, even with living a very different life from what I used to think was "happiness."

A friend of mine and I went to a concert last one point, the duo sang a love song they had co-written. My friend, I could sense and see, was kinda depressed. She had broken up with someone a number of months ago, and was working through that one yet. The song for her was hard to hear, because she attached "other" to the experience of love. Me, I had a very different experience than what I would have had in the recent past. I heard that love song as a celebration of the love within me, for myself, and for all the love there is in this world. It was the most marvelous experience.