Yesterday, my friend Ann-Marie and I, along with my brother Dale, had gone down to Dr. Guo's office for appointments. For the past week plus, I have been having intense heart palpitations and angina, gall bladder pain (the energy of frustation sets off the gall bladder) and two days earlier had had a stressful situation at work which in the past would not have bothered me much at all....I was panicked and called my boss to say I was going to take off for a week, I feared for my existence at that moment. She was frantic that I had never gone to a cardiologist to get my heart checked out (I told her that I did not respect them and did not want to be evaluated, but relented and made an appointment with my MD who I at least trust much more because she respects and listens to me).
For Ann-Marie, she had developed a breast lump (ductal, in healing phase) about a month ago, and felt she needed to get allopathic diagnostics....which also revealed skin cancer patches in various parts of her body. She has had PET scans, CT scans, and the typical sit-down to discuss the results "Ok, take a deep breath...I am so sorry to have to tell you this........" She also was moved to set up an appointment with Dr. Guo, after asking me about my experiences with him. 30 minutes prior to our leaving for Chicago, she returned the message, and was told that the MD wanted to do a brain scan to determine what type of chemotherapy would be best for her. I was pretty calm about it, I had the sense that all was well, and so did she. Later that afternoon, she came out of Dr. Guo's office beaming, relieved, and anchored in respect for Dr. Guo's life-affirming herbal work and personal demeanor as well as how much German New Medicine makes sense and teaches us to have faith in the health process of our body.
Here's an excerpt from a letter I wrote to Ann-Marie this morning:
Ann-Marie, yesterday was a miraculous day. Starting with feeling so exhausted and my heart in turmoil literally and figuratively, having to concentrate so hard to stay here on this earth and away from the "Dark Side" of negativity while Dale drove me down to your place, my brother's compassion and love sustaining me. Picking up the phone at your place and taking the message from the oncologist Dr. Maul (I laughed driving home remembering his name....kinda interesting message, don't you think? It is like the dentist named Dr. Caries or Dr. Payne), watching you deal so gracefully with the information, noticing that I wasn't freaked out at all by the call....GNM sinking in. Your teachings to me (The Bridge technique, having the power within to heal versus giving that power over to others, friendship, laughter, acceptance). Dr. Guo's mastery, both with herbs and his choice of words. Being able to love what is, understanding why I was in Green Bay.
As Dale and I got closer to Green Bay, the heart palpitations started to come back somewhat.....I looked at it and realized I had started to worry....worry about my life in Green Bay, my work, where to live, etc. I reflected on how peaceful I felt at Guo's, driving back to your place, leaving Thiensville, and realized that the peace was always there for me, it was my worry, and typically the mad dash to "find the right thing" which blocks it. My pattern, and immediately after feeling the heart stuff, I would put it back onto that particular situation "oh, I must have this..." or "I must move here...." etc. Addicted to things outside of myself. And, it dawned on me, too, that I typically make my decisions based on if it made my heart excited, instead of calm. I felt the freedom, that I have always had choices, it was up to me to make them and honor them. I was able to see how the little apartment I am in has been a freedom, a choice, it gave me an inexpensive, reliable, safe place from which to move out of D's life. My job....it has given me the money to survive, thrive, be treated by Guo, it has shown me that I am a good therapist, it has given me the chance to get along well with co-workers. Green Bay.....it is a straight shot to Guo's on I-43. I am closer to my brother and have been blessed by his love and connection. I found German New Medicine and have been connected with life- and faith-affirming new friends.
I watched an episode of 30 Rock a couple of weeks ago....where Jack is in the hospital because of heart palpitations......his cranky mother is there, he is hooked up to a heart monitor, she starts to notice that some questions she asked him made his heart rate go up, others would settle it down....so she started asking him if he loved his fiancee....heart rate went up.....did he love his mother.....heart rate went down......did he want to marry his fiancee....he said yes but heart rate went way up.....was Liz his friend......heart rate went down.... The light went on in Jack's head....... Hmm, there's a message here for me, too....and yesterday sunk it in for me. I slept a solid night and woke up refreshed for the first time in almost a month.
Addicted to things outside of myself, addicted to excitement. Expecting fulfillment from things, moves, people.......which really are not the source of happiness, health and well-being.
Got up this morning, and in my email inbox was someone wanting to buy my bikes (although it looks like a spammer....will see if they respond), and another email giving me inspiration as to how I might be able to sell my Light Beam Generator machine.
Funny how stuff like that happens, when the light goes on and the door opens.......
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