Going back to single life

Hello again. Where am I? Oh yes, in my little cave apartment, deciding that I need to use this time to work through my issues. I go to qi gong, Renewing Life, JinShinJyutsu classes, I get out and ski when I can, work gradually increases to 4 days of the week. It is good work, at times a little too quiet, I joke with people that it is a bit like being the Maytag Repairman.....

I continue with the herbs from Dr. Guo, these are helpful. Continue with my raging anger, getting so sick of it I start counseling with John Nemick, a buddhist priest and social worker. This helps me to reconnect with my inclination for buddhist study, meditation, and so I also start sitting with the Hollow Bones Zen group in Green Bay. Life is making a good change, I am beginning to see light ahead, yet still filled with grief, anger, rage, bitterness, sense of abandonment, and a huge desire to "prove her wrong."

5 months after our split, D announces to me that she is leaving for Vermont, and has started a relationship with an ex-partner from 22 years prior. Dagger through the heart.....especially to find out D connected with her ex a little over a month after I moved out of the house. Meditation, John, friends, all sources of comfort for me. Much to work through, much angst.

My energy, inspite of all of this, is picking up, I start biking, enjoying the freedom. Dr. Guo is pleased with my progress, as am I.

Lurking behind all this, though, are a number of issues: over-extending myself on the biking, major family issue with my dad and his wife in California creating anger and angst for us all, pushing myself to not pay attention to and be upset over D's moving on, taking continuing education courses on neuromuscular therapy, seeing more clients, a quick 2 week trip to California for work after an exhausting 2 months of covering Spring Training classes while a co-worker was out on sick leave. It leads to me having some kind of heart event.

Like, arrhthymia and loss of energy. And, me, freaked out about allopathic medicine, yet able to deal with the symptoms using meditation, focus, chinese herbs, reiki, flower essences, chiropractic (did you know how well an atlas manipulation can stop heart palpitations? Amazing!), I don't go see an MD about this. I just find myself relaxing more and more, meditating, taking life a bit easier. The pain of D is slowly changing, being less often of an irritant. I try a fact-finding/job hunting trip to Burlington, VT and Asheville, NC, knowing I want to live in a funky town with a great organic food market. Neither appeal to me. I decide to hang in with Green Bay, my salary is good, work is better and better.