I realized this today that I stopped dreaming. Day dreaming with purpose about my life. Something I used to do all the time. What I have been doing the past 2 + years has been focusing on "not dying." I have wanted to get out of Green Bay, go live somewhere else, make this growing and unique body of knowledge (self-healing, Health Works) into something that gets the message out to people. But, no living technicolor, just fear-based.
I looked at pictures of Boulder, CO just as I was aware of this loss in my life....so I purposely looked at images, and imagined myself in them....feeling what it is like to live in a new area, feeling excitement, new life, new purpose, joy at meeting new people, the fun of hanging out downtown, sipping tea, talking with new and old friends. IT FELT FANTASTIC!!!! Welcome home, Mariah's heart.
I had my bimonthly telephone meeting with Dr. Cropley today. We talked about my message, what is holding me back....I know what it is.....not connecting with my heart, to myself and to others. Power over, control. I lived with someone who was a control addict, one of my closest friends is a control nut, my boss is a control freak. All mirrors for my controlling and power-over way of treating myself and others.
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